A Wise Woman Builds | A Foolish One Tears Down

5 minutes

Hi everybody! I gave you an earfull yesterday, so today I just want to leave you with someone else’s teaching. I’m signed up to receive daily proverbs straight to my inbox, and this particular one is taken from Proverbs 21:9 concerning marriage and how some behaviors, if left unchecked, can affect the family dynamic and the outcome of such tendencies are not mitigated. The commentary also speaks to young people still in the phase of deciding what type of a person could be a worthwhile spouse, and how best to proceed in this vetting process, including the outcome of getting such a central choice wrong. In posting it here, I intend for my son to read it so it will guide him in his choice of spouse at the appointed time. I wish I had been aware of it at the time I myself was going through the same process. God’s people truly are destroyed for lack of Knowledge (Hosea 4:6). This is why in the book of Proverbs we are admonished countless times to seek wisdom above all else, that it is better than rubies, better than silver, better than precious stones, better than refined gold. This is the wisdom that prevents us from tearing down our homes with our very own hands, a wisdom I had no knowledge of, alas, until my training through the ‘school of the spirit’. I want you all to know what I didn’t know, what my then spouse didn’t know, what I hope my son will know, all so it may go well with us. To receive your own daily proverbs straight to your inbox, feel free to sign up here.

I’ll add this Geneva excerpt here to try and expound on the subject at hand so we may all understadn it better. “Whether it be family, or church, or workplace, or country, people (not just women) can build or pull down. Tearing down a house with one’s own hands requires hard, often angry work, but it is easy to get started: just do what comes naturally, that is, put your own whims and desires first, and when they are thwarted, destroy! Every husband, like every church and workplace, has faults, so in the name of justice a wife can always justify pulling down her house. Building also is hard. It requires daily work, love, and patience with the imperfections of others. The wife who takes the teardown path will bring suffering on herself as well as others, because when a house is torn down everyone loses. But in the prosperity of her household, a wife will find her prosperity, just like the exiled Jews found in Babylon’s prosperity their own. “The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands,” not just by doing nothing when she should be working, but by tearing things apart with her own hands, feet, and tongue.” Thank you all for reading through prayerfully so that we may all gain a heart of wisdom. If you, like me, find yourself sitting in the ruins of your pulled down home surrounded by rubble, fear not. Our father is a God of many chances, the one that put life into dry bones. He will help you rebuild; He will never leave you, nor forsake you. So take heart, be strong and courageous, and together, let is learn from the wisdom of the Lord in His precious WORD so we can rebuild together with Him -all for the glory and honor of His name.

Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife ~ Proverbs 21:9 NIV 

Why are some men often away from home? They hunt, work extra hours, golf, live in their workshop, manicure the lawn, stay in the basement, or listen to music with headphones. Why? They are avoiding the dreadful creature they foolishly married. These poor men made a life-ruining choice by marrying a contentious and debating woman.

God created Eve to be the perfect companion for Adam, and she was (Gen 2:18-25). Marriage gives a man his own wife for pleasant company, mutual help, and sexual pleasure (Eccl 4:9-12; 9:9; I Cor 7:1-5). But sin in Eden and since has corrupted God’s design, and proud and selfish women become yapping, nagging irritants at home instead.

How does sin corrupt God’s creation (Eccl 7:29)? A man’s greatest pleasure becomes his severest pain! His greatest treasure his largest loss! His best friend his worst enemy! His source of peace and comfort his endless misery (Pr 12:4)! When the tortured victim realizes his grave error, his spirit is stricken, and he is forced to surrender and withdraw from her presence to find his only comfort in the quiet solitude of other pursuits.

A brawling woman is a quarrelsome, wrangling, clamorous, noisy, or debating woman. You have mostly heard her – she is usually talking, correcting, arguing, scolding, suggesting, reminding, or otherwise making herself an unbearable nuisance. Attempts to correct her will certainly fail, because her unruly pride will not submit or shut up.

How widespread is the problem? Solomon warned five other times with proverbs similar to this one (Pr 12:4; 19:13; 21:19; 25:24; 27:15-16). It is a common problem, especially in this rebellious age, when women no longer know their God-ordained place. It is a dangerous trap waiting to entice young men by its bait and then spring shut on them.

It is better – do you hear the Preacher? He gave one of the wise priorities of life. It is better to live on the roof than in a large house with such a woman. It is better to be single, alone and lonely, than to cohabit with this onerous wretch in a joyless marriage. It is better to stay in the workshop making another piece of worthless furniture than to try to have any peace or pleasure with the female know-it-all that has taken over your house.

God, who created the woman for the man, declared that a meek and quiet spirit is of great price, far better than improving appearance (I Pet 3:3-4). External decorating can never cover the inward blemish of a contentious spirit (Pr 11:22; 27:15-16). He promised such a woman will be praised by husband and children (Pr 31:28). Such noble and virtuous women should be honored and praised, and the odious wives of this proverb should be ignored and slighted for punishment and an example to others (Pr 11:16; 26:1-12).

Young man, reject her! Thoughtless impulse, desperate need, or foolish infatuation will torment you for fifty years. Let married men meet and test your prospect and her mother; let them check for a whiff of that odious spirit. Any character flaw you find before marriage will be ten times worse later (Pr 30:21-23). And this deformity does not improve with age, but rather gets worse. Your only hope will be the mercy of death.

Henpecked husband, have you already married poorly? If she fears the LORD, take her to the Bible and help her read her Creator’s orders. Find a church where the man of God will rebuke and instruct her for you. Expose her to gracious women. If she does not fear the Lord, get some snacks and pick the corner of the roof with the least exposure to rain.

Christian girl or woman, hate this repulsive creature as much as the strange woman. Listen for her constant chatter, foolish laughter, whining complaints, negative observations, rude interruptions, overbearing corrections, nagging reminders, selfish suggestions, or haughty questions. Vow before the LORD your God you will never live one day of her life. Vow that you will glorify God and adorn your sex by graciousness.

Submission is your role and duty (Eph 5:22-24); rejecting it destroys your true beauty. Graciousness will get you perpetual respect (Pr 11:16); reverence will earn you constant esteem (Eph 5:33; I Pet 3:5-6); reserved speech will exalt your name and reputation (Pr 17:27). Be quiet – surely you know what this word means. Be meek – endure offences rather than avenge them or defend yourself. You will be praised by both God and men.

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