Heart-Check in May

3 minutes

As I write this, my page is under maintenance mode; so I am writing behind the scenes. It’s Sunday evening, the last day of May. I have spent a quiet day at home with my son and his friends and we all just came back from our evening walk around our neighborhood. I love it here, my hometown. I love how deep we are nestled in the suburbs, yet just a 15 minute walk will get you to our city right on Main Street; such an ideal location to be raising my son in. We are super blessed that our heavenly Father purposed for us to be here at this particular location. It was a joyful day earlier this month when I picked up my son from campus, what a blessing it is to have him home with me!

We’ve had moments of silence as we take in the public murder of one of our own under the knee of another; it’s not easy watching the life drain out of one human at the hands of another. Cavalier. It’s drained our energy and we’ve had trance-like moments of deep sorrow and helplessness that all we could do is retire to our respective bedrooms to quietly ponder this level of disrespect to a human life. Rest in peace Mr. Floyd.

May had been a busy month for me. I’ve spent wonderful times in prayer with my Father as He teaches me about matters of faith. The lesson of the month has been understanding that I am under a new Mount Zion covenant under Christ, and not under the Mount Sinai covenant under the Law. It was a much needed lesson as I tend to live a lot under condemnation, just a natural disposition of mine in line with my strict Catholic upbringing. I’ve been filled with so much joy as I understand the abolition of the two-way faithfulness covenant under the law, to the one-way faithfulness covenant under Christ.

I have undergone shift after shift in my mindset concerning who I thought God was. I have spent hours considering His purposes. I have grappled with the advancement of His Kingdom and my part to play in my generation. I have fallen deeper in love with Christ as I come into a deeper understanding of the magnitude of the sacrifice He made at the cross, and that He is still interceding to our Father on our behalf. I continue to set all unpleasantries aside as I press forward toward my calling in Christ Jesus. I keep perfecting the art of peacekeeping as God’s spirit enables me; I continue to remain silent in the face of wild accusations and blame-apportioning as I hear the Spirit whisper to my heart ‘be still’, and I smile and hold my peace.

The Lord is my victor and His will is mine as mine is submitted to His. I am fully rested in Him and He is more than enough for me. The Lord has removed from my lips the names of Baal and no longer will their names be invoked (Hosea 2:17). Every idol has been dethroned and I am no longer an adulteress to my Lord. He is my first love and order is firmly restored in my life. I know a joy I didn’t know existed, it mostly feels like I’m floating. Some parts of May have been excruciatingly painful but by His grace I have triumphed beautifully, turning a decisive corner. Never have I ever wanted more that His will be done over mine. I have a zero agenda, just total rest and trust in my Savior as He guides my every step and I strive to follow so I can finish the race that is set before me.

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1 Comment

  1. Jim
    July 23, 2020 / 7:29 PM

    Wonderful

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