My Father decided that my son and I didn’t have to face the move alone. Isn’t He a good Father? He sent my younger sister Terry and her family to come and help us in this trying time. At first I didn’t understand, erroneously assuming the worst of it was behind me. In His all-knowing wisdom, He knew it wasn’t, and so He sent help. While I was away attending to other official matters of this wrap up, Terry packed up my things best she knew how and by the time I got back, she had all bags, boxes, suitcases and totes ready to go. I had been so overwhelmed by the move that had she not shown up, my plan was to pick up my iMac and walk away empty-handed -that’s how immobilized I felt.
I paid for the U-Haul and Mr. Grey drove it back and forth until the move was done. Back at the new house, I stood around staring at walls in numbing paralysis, emotionally drained and heavily sleep deprived. Terry prioritized mopping and cleaning out one bedroom first, then set a mattress on the floor, put bedsheets on it, and urged me to get some rest as she commenced the earnest task of cleaning out the house and unpacking our things. She checked on me and insisted I eat something. She mothered me as my heart bled. She sat down on the mattress with me and saw my bewildered look; without uttering a word, she understood just how lost I felt.
Terry my sister lost her first husband 28 days after their wedding day. She understands the pain of mourning a monumental loss. She was gentle with me and used her words sparingly -no quoting Bible verses in case she offends me. People tend to get mad at God when their world is falling apart, and she wasn’t sure where I stood on the matter, so she applied wisdom and simply comforted me. I confessed my hurt to her, the pain I’d been carrying inside me for so long since this rejection began, and now sealed in additional and decisive public humiliation.
As I received more mail with terrible news from the devastating effects of this brutal rejection, I found myself bowed down on my knees crying out to my Father, proclaiming that I will not be leaving His altar however hot the fire got, for I had nowhere else to go and no one else to turn to but Him. That He would have to hold me in His loving arms even as He burnt away the dross from my life so I could be useful in His hands. Pastor Terry joined with me in spirit and prayed over me as tears streamed down both our faces.
She prayed superior prayers I know nothing off, but she seemed to understand more than I did that my breaking had began, that God was stripping me back all the way down to the bedrock so He can lay a solid foundation for the calling over my life. She mourned for the pain she knew I would go through, and that it would probably have to get worse before it got better. She prayed for strength to bare the trials and tribulations that would test my faith. She prayed for strength to bare the burning fire that would purify me and get me ready for my Father’s work. She prayed for the perseverance that would perfect my faith.
My Father has not left us on our own as He understood we would need some help settling into our new life physically as well as spiritually. Through His Holy Spirit, He sent help via my sister Terry. The youngest of six girls, she’s always been the one to be given such assignments by God. She has a servant-heart that gives beyond any human ability to do so. She doesn’t complain, she just gets the job done, whatever that job is.
My Father has whispered many truths in my heart which are already unfolding as He said they would, but the appointed hour to share those truths is yet to come. For now I am to write, to praise, to pray, to get to know Him more, to learn to lean on Him, to trust Him. I am to learn to love like He does. I am to sit quietly in His presence as He thoroughly heals my shattered heart. I am to trust that His thoughts and ways are higher than mine. That He knows the way that I take, and when He’s tried me, I shall come forth as gold. He is revealing Himself as a God of restoration, and as such, He is currently occupied with restoring my life, first to Himself, and eventually to others.
I am blessed that my Father sent me my courageous sister to be with me on this new path in life, particularly in this initial part of my journey. I am grateful that she’s been through the fire herself in the making of her ministry so she knows and understands process. I am grateful for my two nieces and their plentiful hugs, as if they sense when such a hug is needed and will soothe. I love seeing them bond with their older cousin, my son, Jan. I’m enjoying hearing their laughter around the house under the watchful eyes of their adoring parents.
When my Father says He’ll never leave you nor forsake you, He means it. When He says He’ll make a way out of no way, trust Him. When He says He has good plans for you, believe Him. When He says he’ll give you a family, thank Him. When He says to rest in Him, take Him at His word. For He is not a man that He should lie, nor the son of man that He should change His mind. He is my hiding place, filling my heart with songs of deliverance; whenever I am afraid, I will trust in Him.
When I am weak, I will say I am strong because His strength is made perfect in my weakness. When I feel ashamed and humiliated, I will proclaim again and again that His beloved shall neither be humiliated nor put to shame. Nothing is impossible with my Father, of this I’m sure. I will walk by faith and not by sight. I will leave my hand in His as He leads me besides quiet waters, giving me times of refreshing while He restores my soul. Selah