Hello Fam! Permit me to share the joy in my heart as I journey to the Father. It’s been a long time coming as he’s been drawing me nigh for as long as I can remember. With my spirit lulled into a false sense of security, I’ve walked with him casually for many years. Inevitably, he declared it was time to come up higher. And when I didn’t hear his gentle whisper, he dropped the brick. Not once, but twice.
The first time was in 2014. Wounded and brokenhearted, I ran away and hid from him, fearing I’d let him down. And he gentle pursued me and soothed me and waited for me to return in vain. This second brick hit squarely, and after flailing about for a few weeks, I felt his eye on me still, watching over me. I felt him waiting for me yet still pursuing me. And when he beckoned, this time I stepped forward and put my hand in his. And so begins our walk.
Have I found him or has he found me? We love him because he first loved us (1 John 4: 17-19) He loved me first, ‘come as you are’ was an invitation too compelling to resist at a time when I need him the most, at a time when life’s storms are beating down mercilessly on the foundation of life as I’ve come to know it. And so in rapturous wonder, I took a step of faith and stepped forward, just as I am. He took my hand and quelled my heart. Then he sat me down at his feet, and gently began to instruct me in his ways. His word is a lamp unto my feet (Psalm 119:105).
I am being convicted of things I’ve long thought of as normal and I’m now having to re-evaluate my words, my actions, reactions, thoughts, feelings… The harmless passenger gossip, the lighthearted crew banter, all these things now reflect in a different light. Things I’ve been able to brush aside now weigh heavier on my heart. Little white lies are bothering me and I’m having to own up to everything, making apologies left, right, and center. Lucky for me my earthly father raised us to apologize and say sorry frequently and easily, so I’m okay with doing that and facing the music, then running back to my heavenly father for his healing balm of Gilead.
I’m learning the difference between blatant sin and insidious inequity, and how either could stand in the way of our walk with God. I’m understanding there are levels of intimacy with God depending on how much time we spend in his presence, reading his word and gazing at his face. I’m learning that his love for me is unshakeable and never-ending, and that for me to walk in his power like he intended, my thoughts, actions and disposition must both reflect him and glorify his name. I’m learning that studying his word will transform me (be transformed by the renewing of the mind -Romans 12:2) so I can be empowered to discern God’s will as I live this beautiful life he has given me.
Hope springs eternal and my spirit is lifted. My heart is quietened and my soul is rested. He has drawn me into a place of refuge and the peace I am experiencing is deep and calming, surpassing all understanding. As the waves rage on around me, I marvel at how it is that I now sleep through the storm?! The waters are battering my ship, yet my anchor holds. Like the disciples, I too, marvel at the question: Who is this man that even the wind and waves obey him? (Mark 4:41). Cheers, Grey xoxo